Saturday, August 27, 2011

Black Forest Brew Haus

My sister asked me when I'd actually review a good bar. I replied that every bar I reviewed got positive ratings. Then she told me that the things I look for in a bar don't make it a good bar. Just a bar I like. I pondered this while shotgunning a Keystone Ice tall boy and think I know what she means now. So this is the first "good" bar I went to.

I've actually been to Black Forest many times. I worked nearby and we'd order takeout. And my family had been going there for awhile. And then my friends started going there. And I still go back once in awhile for the Sunday brunch/cheesecake brownies.

The deal is they make their own beer and they have good food. It sucks. The end.

Would it be funny or lazy if I really ended it there? Let's start with the beer. I mean that's really the most important thing. It's a Brew Haus after all. It's dark, heavy and bitter. As much as I drink beer I don't reach for the quality stuff.  I really do prefer the cheapest gutter swill available. It's just easier to drink. I never understand why people like "good" beer. It tastes like it was filtered through a dirty sock. Is it? Is that the key? If it is I've got loads of dirty socks. Let's start a brewery. Just don't take the sock off my night stand. The one that has Hess's brother's name on it and is stiff as a board.

They always have a Pilsner, Amber and Hefe-weizen. If I was getting a regular one I'd probably go with Hefe. It's supposed to taste like bananas but I didn't taste any. Maybe it tastes like Johnny Bananas. Then they have crazy beers that have high alcohol content. If you're there to get wrecked these are the bastards that'll do it. They are seasonal and change frequently so you won't know what's available until you are there reading the chalkboard. I remember a barley wine that had 14% or something insane. And sometimes they have chocolate beer. Any of you beer queens out there know if this stuff has actual chocolate in it? When I hate it and just give it to my dog will it kill him?

Speaking of bringing the beer home, you can. Hooray. I'm over joyed. They have growlers, half gallon jugs that cost $12. And if you go green and bring it back a refill will only cost you $8. I like that. I'd like it more if it was Coors Light. Do they make Coors Light Ice? I guess I can just fill a growler with Coors Light and Everclear. Make my own Coors Light Ice.

That's it on the beer. I don't like it but I drink it. You probably have more class and a better palate than I do. So you might love it.  The food we can all agree on. It's good. Good sandwiches, German specialty stuff. They have pretzel bread for the sandwiches so that's cool.

In the way of entertainment this place doesn't offer much. I can't remember if there is a jukebox. I don't think there is. They used to have dueling pianos which was cool. Guys playing covers on piano. They take requests. Piano music on Long Island. Expect Billy Joel. Demand "She's Always A Woman"

Last thing, this is where we met Janine! So if you had a great time at their wedding or just love her new haircut  swing by here and pay respects.

Great parking lot to drink cheap beer in
Good food
Janine was there
Only bar my sister will go with me to
Dueling pianos

The beer gives you a bad hangover
Middle of nowhere

CONCLUSION: I think Sock Beer and Coors Light Ice could be a good start for my own Brew Haus. The only food we'd serve is pretzel dogs from Rusty Knot and mozzarella sticks from Millers. Janine and Elise are the bartenders. Pete and Hess are security. Red heads drink free. I have a lot of memories from Black Forest.  And I piss all over it but I'm thankful for it's existence.


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