Friday, June 15, 2012

The Frying Pan

We can't talk about a big boat like this without acknowledging the elephant in the room. Or in my mind. Pirates. Before zombies were vampires they were pirates. Briefly they were werewolves too. But werewolves were a brief comet flashing across a supernatural fad creature sky. What's next? Plain ghosts. Don't tell me they aren't sexy enough. I watched one give Dan Ackroyd a blowjob in Ghostbusters. If you don't find Ray Zalinksy's getting ghost head sexy then I can't help you. 

But pirates. (phrasing?) Pirates were always my favorite. I'm too big and hairy and drunk to be a vampire. A vampire doesn't drop his keys 3 times while trying to get into his shitty studio apartment. Then stumble and fall into his only lamp. I'm not graceful or mysterious. I don't find Sookie attractive. At all. And look at these eye lashes. My god. If you gave my Jack Sparrow's makeup I'd look downright Cleopatraish. I'm the last Pirate Pharaoh of Egypt. 

Drinking in a boat docked on the west side of Manhattan could be the first step to Piratehood. You've got to find your sea legs somewhere. Do it docked with buckets of Coronas and some serious people watching. Where do the girls find these clothes anyway? The See Through section in the Stripper Store? Sheer R' Us? What is the thought process behind the outfit? Are their parents dead? Or just wishing they were dead? No, not you honey. You look great. I'm a pirate and you're a hooker. We're meant to be together. 

I'm off track here. Breaking records for rhetorical questions. The Frying Pan.
It's cool. Drinking outside is fun and drinking on a boat is a unique experience in NYC. You can feel the waves rocking you. At one point when I was there a big wave hit the side. (bow? stern? boat words!) and a bunch of people got soaked. Somebody told me it was a whale and I actually believed it. That's how out of your element you are drinking here. You can believe things like whales in the Hudson River. Jumping out of the water and landing on 26th street. Singing like the WB frog. 

It's not cheap unlike almost every other place reviewed here. Bucket of Coronas for $37 is the best deal you can find. It's over $6 a beer. By comparison the bar I can most frequently be found in, Rudy's, is $2.50 a beer. It's not a waste though. It's worth it. Location, location, location.