Friday, January 6, 2012

200 Fifth

This bar is technically in Park Slope. The northern end. But it’s Park Slope. I know. Can you believe this guy comes back after a month and tries passing this off? Here’s a secret to Park Slope and any other place though. You can escape without going anywhere. Alice went down the rabbit hole but she didn’t really go anywhere. Or how about this… in every desert there is an oasis. Actually I don’t know about that. That could be dangerous advice so don’t quote me on it. Everything I know about deserts I learned from the Matthew McConaughey movie Sahara. So I suspect in every desert there is a Confederate gunship buried in the sand. 

It's one of my favorite bars in the neighborhood. There is a bus stop right in front so it’s easy to get to. Some people fear the buses or are too snobbish to go near them. I ride them all the time. And the buses in Park Slope actually run the same routes that the old Brooklyn trolley cars used to. So if you’re normally too snobbish to get your annoying ass on a bus maybe this will give it enough cool cred for you. I don’t know. It might be hopeless.  

There are loads of TVs here. Everybody I’ve ever brought has mentioned that. It would be a great place to watch football on Sundays. My favorite thing about the TVs is when they are all turned on to the same thing. I watched the Rangers knock the Yankees out of the playoffs on a hundred TVs all lined up next to each other. It was like a 100 dreams coming true at once. 

 They have beer towers. Every time I drink from a beer tower I break down the price by ounces and see if it actually makes sense to order them. Then I get too drunk to remember the answer. Maybe that’s the point. They are fun though. You slap a spigot on something it’s going to be fun. Even the word is fun. Spigot.

 Food. It’s well known that I’m a real cheap ass when it comes to what I eat. I’ve had food poisoning double digit times and would eat braised dog meat over kobe beef if I could save a few bucks. It doesn’t mean I like that though. Believe me I appreciate good food. I love good food. This place has good food. It’s classic American bar food but not cheap and shitty. It’s a little fancier. Like the fries are truffle fries with crumbled bleu cheese. I’m never going to come here and not order food. 

On the weekends they have a brunch. More awesome food and then the brunch special. All you can drink champagne for $11 dollars. This is tough when you’re nursing a hangover. So you’ll have to go to bed sober the night before. 

 The two times I’ve done brunch things got crazy. The first time was the day of the Super Bowl. I ended up crushing beer towers after brunch was over. I got so drunk I blacked out and missed the first half. I came to just in time to see the Black Eyed Peas perform.

 The second time I went I walked out into the middle of a street fair that I didn’t know was going on. It was fantastic. There was a parade for the end of the world and I bought a pair of sunglasses for 5 bucks. If this is really it I want to look stylish.