Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Common Ground

Sometimes when you get drunk you get emotional. My night at Common Ground ended with a failed Irish goodbye. Followed by walking around the East Village with a homeless guy begging for change. Resigned to living the rest of my life in Tompkins Square Park. Then I saved it by eating a knish at Katz. Then it all went to shit again because I had to wait so long for my subway home. At night Brooklyn bound trains run on the tears of hipsters. An inefficient fuel. Its so hard to fish tears out of beards.

There are books here. Why? This isn't the time or the place to read Moby Dick. Really. I love to read but it's dark. Outside of a dog a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. And inside Common Ground. 

I've noticed books at other places too. I guess to make us feel like we are drinking cognac in our study. It's an illusion ruined by how much urine is on the floor of the bathroom. Especially after I'm done in there. Yes. I'm that guy. I'll lock the door and helicopter it. 

They had some kind of 2 for 1 deal on food. Nobody wanted to eat though so I got nuts. Just regular nuts. Paid 4 bucks for them. Which is kind of shitty. Didn't bars used to have free nuts? Is that just a movie thing? God I'd love that. If you know a place that has them let me know. 

Happy hour was $2 beers. Yuengling. $2 is great for the city. Unlike 3rd and Long these beers are pints. However 3rd and Long goes all night. So I guess I'd rather do 3rd and Long still if it's just about cheap beer. 

They have board games here which is fun. We played one. I sucked but whatever. Nothing wrong with board games. Cool couches. This is a good place to come with a small group. I don't know if you can do a board game with just two people. Maybe Connect Four? Guess Who? Battleship. Ok, there are a lot of games. Those games suck though. So like I said, small group. Get wrecked. Convince somebody to get food. Play a game. And then after there is a karoake place across the street. If that's your thing. 

Cheap happy hour
Board games
Lots of seasonal decorations

None really. Kind of blah.


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Russian Vodka Room

Some memories no matter how good make you sick to think about. Things change. My time here was awesome and it comes up often. Even though it upsets me. My eager excitement to return is mixed with a healthy dose of dread and remorse. Confused you are. Sorry about that I am. These waters run deep.

Vodka comes from potatoes. And gin comes from vodka. But they aren't the same. I love vodka but gin is one of the few things I'd rather not drink. In fact I only know two people who liked gin. Joe is one. The other. Well. He doesn't drink it anymore.

Vodka doesn't freeze until 17 below. Making it colder than ice. Pretty bad ass move, Vodka.  I keep two bottles in my freezer. A cheap one and an expensive one. I have a favorite drink I make with it. It's called a DIG. For "Dad, I'm Gay." Don't freak and call that homophobic. Escape From Park Slope is a blog promoting tolerance of all people. It's just not the cliche manly drink.

Here's the recipe. It's really easy. Pint glass. Fill it with ice. Straw of course. Fill it half with orange vodka and half with diet Sprite. Coat the rim with semen. No, I'm kidding about the semen! That's it.

So what's the place like? It's small. Dark. Very authentic Russian. Don't expect french fries on the menu. Don't expect anything other than vodka. They have their own. Jars of it all over. Infused with different flavors. Happy hour is 4-7. And the shots are $3. Now I remember why I had such a good time. There is a piano too but when I was there it didn't get played. If I return here I could bang out something off my bucket list.

Cheap, good vodka
Fun atmosphere

Gets crowded
Probably expensive once happy hour is over
Food might be too different for most people


Monday, November 7, 2011

Bucket List

A break from the regularly scheduled programming.

I had been thinking about bucket lists. Then two of my favorite shows referenced them on TV. So I was planning on writing one and sending it out in an e-mail. However, I thought that might scare the shit out of everybody I'm e-mailing. Is Jim dying? Did he send me this because he wants me to do this stuff with him? No. I actually went to the doctor recently and he told me I'm in perfect health. It's just something fun I'm thinking about. So here's what I got. Not a complete list. And not completely out of place. There's drinking in here babe. I mean it's my list right?

See the Grand Canyon - Cliche but it's the truth. I've never seen a natural wonder. Not much in it for me. I'm interested in function not form. Factory shows relax me not sunsets. I play city builders for hours. The Grand Canyon though. Woo boy. I'd love to get right up on the edge of that thing. Lean back. Breathe in deeply. And then shoot a load across it. Gahhhhhhh

Drink Vintage Alcohol - My grandfathers both left old booze behind. Long story short. I drank them and got sick. So fear is not a factor. I don't want wine. There has to be some kind of rum buried on a beach somewhere or on a sunken ship that I can have. Pirate style. 

Drink Moonshine - White lightening. The real shit. I want to drink something that'll burn from my lips to my gut. And have me seeing stars from just one slug. 

Get drunk with my father - Kurt Vonnegut says we can't write about our father. He won't let us. So I won't. I'll just say this one is technically impossible. I wanted to visit a friend and get drunk with her father. Hijack him. Sit down. Have some drinks. I want to get drunk with a father like figure. Hear some good advice. Share stupid stories. It'll happen one day. 

Cook something outside - Could easily tie this into the previous one. I want to sit outside in a shitty chair and  fry a turkey or smoke some meat. Something that takes hours. Maybe light a cigar. 

Shoot a handgun - I've shot a gun before. Shotguns and rifles. Never a handgun though. See it all the time in movies and television. I just want to know what it's like. Maybe turn that shit sideways. 

Write something longer than 50 pages - A play, movie or book. Doesn't really matter. I've got ideas for them all. Doesn't matter if anybody else ever reads it either.

Drive cross country. I did this once North to South. It was a disaster. I'd like to try again. The classic way. East to West. I'd need a partner. Open to anybody. As long as they speak English and aren't too high strung.

Vegas - Ma'am where do the high school girls hang out in this town? I'm a guy. I'll end up here eventually.

Plant a tree - I've always wanted to plant an apple tree and eat an apple from it. Johnny Appleseed stories had a profound impact on me as a child.

War and Peace - To read this monster. I've read a thousand page book before but this is my white whale. Another reason? You can buy a used copy of War and Peace on Amazon right now for $0.01.  At 1472 pages it's a great time spent = money spent ratio.

Hunt a shark - Is this unethical? I don't know. I could make the most of it. I'd eat it I guess. And I'd definitely snort its ground up fins to make my dick hard.

Cruise - I want to go on a cruise. I wish I had more glamorous travel choices but I'm being honest. I want to eat food. Get drunk. Work out. Be crammed in a tiny room with my girlfriend. Play shuffleboard with old dudes.

Blues bar - Or a piano bar. I've never been to a bar where people are sitting around listening to music. Where does Woody Allen go? I live in New York this might be the easiest thing on the list.

Smoke a Cuban - What's his name? Oh stop. Nick Cannon is hilarious daddy. I smoke a cigar occasionally. Probably not enough to be able to tell the difference but who knows? I've had fresh mozzarella and it's a lot better than Polly-O.