Monday, August 22, 2011

The Rusty Knot

The first time I went to the Rusty Knot I arrived in a limo after filming a segment for a TV show.  I waited on line then refused to go inside and went to Rockville Centre instead for 4 free shots of Jameson and a grilled cheese. It was a great day.

Had I gone inside though I would have found my happy place. The drinks rule here. $1.50 beers are the special. If I buy a six pack of Bud Light in Park Slope just to bring home I’m spending more than that. They have pickle backs. For the uninitiated it’s a whiskey shot followed by a shot of pickle juice. They also have a house cocktail called The Rusty Knot. It’s a frozen mojito. Frozen drinks are for girls. They should come with a complimentary vacuum. I immediately regret saying that. That’s insane. I’m sorry. Who can afford to give away vacuums? Dish washing gloves!

The jukebox is free. They have Tom Petty in it but it’s not allowed. I assume because it’s just the most played out jukebox choice of all time. Have you ever been to a bar and not heard American Girl? Has anybody? If American Girl plays in a bar but nobody is there to hear it is it still lame?  Misfits. Bob Dylan. Replacements.  Rolling Stones. That’s what I remember. Wild Horses is the groan inducer I’ll pick here.

Food! Pretzel dogs.  It’s a hot dog wrapped in a pretzel.  Or a dream wrapped in a wish. Usually I can only find these in Penn Station. If that’s not enough sodium to kill you they also have potato wedges. Tacos al pastor are supposed to be amazing but I’ve been scared off by the pineapple. I’d imagine one day soon I’ll be in there feeling food snobbish and I’ll order them. “Pretzel dogs? Are you going to microwave them in your trailer on a leftover TV dinner tray? Give me the slow roasted pork taco with the Serrano chili pineapple salsa.”  

They also have Sloppy Joes but I’ve never seen somebody get them.  Confession, I had to research Sloppy Joes for this. I’ve never seen one. Loose meat sandwiches. That’s what she said? They are also known as Steamers in parts of the South.  Always thought Steamers were more of a Cleveland thing. I don’t want to eat that kind either.  Yeah, that was a 5 sentence set up for a terrible joke.

Do you ever want to splash water on your face? But you’re afraid everybody else in the bathroom is going to think you are about to start bathing? They have private bathrooms here. Splash away. 

Pool table.  Stars on the felt. It goes with the eclectic nautical vibe. If Sailor Jerry’s had a bar this would be it. Or Brian Wilson. I wish Brian Wilson was the bartender. He’d tell me I’d had enough. And I’d say “Really Brian Wilson? Star closer for the San Francisco Giants? You think I’ve had enough?” and we’d just laugh.  He’d throw his bar towel over his shoulder put his hands on his hips and say “Oh you! Promise we’ll be friends forever Jim. ” Forever? Forever ever? Forever is a long time Brian. It’s just a long time.

Cheap drinks
Cool bartenders
Funky theme
Free jukebox featuring Glen Danzig
Pretzel Dog
Pool table
Private bathroom

It gets really crowded
No Tom Petty is Un-American

CONLCUSION:  A good time will be had by all. It’s better early but what place isn’t? It’s a free jukebox which is exactly why you shouldn’t lock it up. Let somebody else get a spin. Think of me as you eat a pretzel dog and bath in the bathroom sink.


1 comment:

  1. I'd rather have Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys be my bartender.