Irish Cottage

I’m Irish.  Partly.  Half Irish. I’m also the only one in my family that’s never actually been to Ireland. So I never feel Irish enough to tell people I’m Irish. Although I did stay home from school one St. Patrick’s Day to watch Leprechaun 4: In Space.  I don’t know. I love Irish culture. If I had to go on a vacation outside the United States I’d want to go to Ireland. Fish and chips. Green grass everywhere. Gingers. The music. Potatoes.  Whiskey in the middle of the day. And nobody chilling it either. Don’t ask me if I want my whiskey chilled. Ask me if I want my testicles removed. Don’t ask me if I want my whiskey chilled. Unless I’m with a girl and she wants it chilled. Then chill the shit out of it. I mean we’re not in Ireland now are we?

The Irish Cottage is like me. It’s partly Irish. It’s probably never been to Ireland though. Maybe it’s had Sheppards Pie once.  Jerked off to the nude scene in Leprechaun 4: In Space. Cried 3 times while watching PS I Love You. It’s not really Irish though.

It’s a small carpeted bar area. You don’t see many carpeted bars. I guess because unless you change it out often it can look really trashy. Not that it matters for Irish Cottage. The wobbly tables and low lifes that hang around here assure it’ll stay trashy no matter what’s on the floor. They have a big back room for parties. Never really seen it though because it’s closed off. They do have food and since I have no regard for my own well being I ate it once. If you are here and find yourself hungry there is a gas station about a block away. Unless you have a diarrhea competition later that night that you’ve already entered. Then by all means stay, mangia.

Some weird stuff has happened here. They used to have a Jets cheerleader as a bartender.  She looked like Anna Torv from Fringe. I watched the Knicks lose to the Bucks on their surprisingly decent television. The weirdest thing though was one night Congressman and IRA friend Peter King was hanging out there getting BOMBED with his buddies and talking in a silly Irish brogue. It was memorable. 

PROS

One nice TV 

Great location. Train station. Lots of bars around it.

Cheap

Meet with your local Congressman. 

CONS

The carpet must smell terrible

Always seems to be fights here

Food

CONCLUSION: I see Ireland in my future. Irish Cottage though not so much. I did have some good times here but it was more a result of the people I was with than the place we were at. 

50/100