Monday, November 7, 2011

Bucket List

A break from the regularly scheduled programming.

I had been thinking about bucket lists. Then two of my favorite shows referenced them on TV. So I was planning on writing one and sending it out in an e-mail. However, I thought that might scare the shit out of everybody I'm e-mailing. Is Jim dying? Did he send me this because he wants me to do this stuff with him? No. I actually went to the doctor recently and he told me I'm in perfect health. It's just something fun I'm thinking about. So here's what I got. Not a complete list. And not completely out of place. There's drinking in here babe. I mean it's my list right?

See the Grand Canyon - Cliche but it's the truth. I've never seen a natural wonder. Not much in it for me. I'm interested in function not form. Factory shows relax me not sunsets. I play city builders for hours. The Grand Canyon though. Woo boy. I'd love to get right up on the edge of that thing. Lean back. Breathe in deeply. And then shoot a load across it. Gahhhhhhh

Drink Vintage Alcohol - My grandfathers both left old booze behind. Long story short. I drank them and got sick. So fear is not a factor. I don't want wine. There has to be some kind of rum buried on a beach somewhere or on a sunken ship that I can have. Pirate style. 

Drink Moonshine - White lightening. The real shit. I want to drink something that'll burn from my lips to my gut. And have me seeing stars from just one slug. 

Get drunk with my father - Kurt Vonnegut says we can't write about our father. He won't let us. So I won't. I'll just say this one is technically impossible. I wanted to visit a friend and get drunk with her father. Hijack him. Sit down. Have some drinks. I want to get drunk with a father like figure. Hear some good advice. Share stupid stories. It'll happen one day. 

Cook something outside - Could easily tie this into the previous one. I want to sit outside in a shitty chair and  fry a turkey or smoke some meat. Something that takes hours. Maybe light a cigar. 

Shoot a handgun - I've shot a gun before. Shotguns and rifles. Never a handgun though. See it all the time in movies and television. I just want to know what it's like. Maybe turn that shit sideways. 

Write something longer than 50 pages - A play, movie or book. Doesn't really matter. I've got ideas for them all. Doesn't matter if anybody else ever reads it either.

Drive cross country. I did this once North to South. It was a disaster. I'd like to try again. The classic way. East to West. I'd need a partner. Open to anybody. As long as they speak English and aren't too high strung.

Vegas - Ma'am where do the high school girls hang out in this town? I'm a guy. I'll end up here eventually.

Plant a tree - I've always wanted to plant an apple tree and eat an apple from it. Johnny Appleseed stories had a profound impact on me as a child.

War and Peace - To read this monster. I've read a thousand page book before but this is my white whale. Another reason? You can buy a used copy of War and Peace on Amazon right now for $0.01.  At 1472 pages it's a great time spent = money spent ratio.

Hunt a shark - Is this unethical? I don't know. I could make the most of it. I'd eat it I guess. And I'd definitely snort its ground up fins to make my dick hard.

Cruise - I want to go on a cruise. I wish I had more glamorous travel choices but I'm being honest. I want to eat food. Get drunk. Work out. Be crammed in a tiny room with my girlfriend. Play shuffleboard with old dudes.

Blues bar - Or a piano bar. I've never been to a bar where people are sitting around listening to music. Where does Woody Allen go? I live in New York this might be the easiest thing on the list.

Smoke a Cuban - What's his name? Oh stop. Nick Cannon is hilarious daddy. I smoke a cigar occasionally. Probably not enough to be able to tell the difference but who knows? I've had fresh mozzarella and it's a lot better than Polly-O.

No comments:

Post a Comment